Ah, after awhile there is not a you, just gliding along the water. You are the water. That's what David said, or something like that. He's very experienced at kayaking. Me, I'm new. I would say I was very aware of the cold, the wind, the workout on my arms and upper back. And I could tip over, and I'd had the drill, what to do if I fell in. But what would it truly be like? Going overboard?
It's the same with healing, I guess. You never know what it will really feel like to lose someone, to go through changes with illness, divorce, moves, etc. The recent changes I've been through have left me at an interesting place. I'd say being empty is a good thing. Although at first I interpreted it as a bad thing. Really, it is where all possibility comes from. Being empty, Tableau Rosa, a blank slate. You can write anything on it. What I want written on my slate is an open heart. I want folks in my life who don't push me to fight, that I don't need to compete with, who give to me as I give to them.
I remember my dad preaching that, give to others as you want them to give to your, or something like that. But that isn't what he did. So how do we learn better behavior? Perhaps giving from the water where everything feeds everything else. Where the nourishment of life is a given. Here I am now ready to kayak again. I've been three times, I think. Each time I've done a little better. And with my Pilates workout, my arms and back and core are strong. That's what it's all about, you know.
Keep having fun. I'll be traveling soon with David and will have more to tell you.
Nan
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